Pity

I feel so bad that young adults are advertised as escorts on Backpage and Craigslist. Their time cost money but it doesn't change the fact they are treated like a piece of meat. I wonder how many found themselves in similar situations as my niece? My niece was coerced into prostitution to pay for an addiction to heroin. Now she's learning to live without it and fighting a new addiction, crack. I could understand her being an escort to pay her rent or feed her children but for heroin is ridiculous. I see so many girls my niece's age and younger with a vacant look in their eyes on these meat market websites. Are they doing this willingly or are they being coerced? Is this a way to pay for addiction?

My niece suffered the indignity knowing we are aware of the prostitution and the humiliation of admitting it to strangers. Fortunately her police record remains clean with no arrests, she did press charges against her perpetrators. I just hope the scars from being an escort and the things she was subjected to fade from her memory.

My niece is three weeks clean now and taking things one day at a time. She's in therapy and dealing with every day stress. Two days after she was taken to OSU for detox she made arrangements to get her kids back. She has her children. She also knows remaining with her husband will be detrimental to her future, she's filing for divorce and asking for sole custody. Her husband shot up in front of the children and would "fall out" for hours. My niece thinks in order for any visitation to be granted he should prove his sobriety. Even though she used heroin for several months she never used in front of the kids and never enough to "fall out" herself. She still had to be mommy.

My niece was very fortunate that her use wasn't more than it was. She was forced into working as an escort for 3 days by a so called friend and pumped full of heroin to make her compliant. My niece was very lucky that she has a family willing to fight for her and that she had a way out.

So many of these girls are moved hotel to motel and city to city to isolate them from loved ones, never staying anyplace too long.

My niece is one of the lucky ones.

Backpage

Seeing my niece advertised as an escort on Backpage was almost as devastating as knowing she was using heroin. In a way worse than being a junkie. Had her addiction reached a point she was willing to lower herself to prostitution. According to her she was forced to being an escort but by whom? 

These scantily clad women are selling their "time" for donations but the sex is free. Wtf! I love the term this is not an offer of prostitution. By saying donation payment would not be required but they indicate a payment scale. For a Qwik E it might cost 40 and up . A half hour 75-100 etc. Do these prostitutes think law enforcement is this stupid?

Addictions

As a family member of a heroin addict I'm trying to understand how things got completely out of control. When did that precious girl I raised for a few years start shooting up? Why did she use heroin in the first place? Did she willingly use crack or was it by force? Was she willing to prostitute herself to pay for her next fix? We have so many unanswered questions and my niece's explanation of the events that occurred the 96 hours she was missing.

According to my niece , someone asked her to drive them to pick up marijuana. She had stopped using heroin but was still smoking pot so she agreed to do it . The person was supposed to give her some of the marijuana. On the way back they stopped at a motel so she could hang out with a friend ( Jessica) for a few hours. Apparently my niece was offered heroin a few times before actually using it. After using the drug she was really relaxed to the point of passing out. Her so called friend left the room and a man entered that sexually assaulted her. My niece fought and screamed, the friend came back into the room to tell her to shut up, Rueban didn't like this. After the first "john" she was given more heroin plus crack and was with a second man. After the second "john" Jessica and Rueban created a page on a website similar to craigslist advertising my niece as an escort. These people told my niece this was the only way she could pay for the drugs. Human Trafficking? My niece was with 7 men in 3 days. Other than heroin and crack she wasn't given anything but cigarettes & pop. After 3 days my niece stopped receiving calls and the morning of the fourth day Jessica & Rueban fled stealing my niece's car, the car her husband didn't report stolen until 70 hours after she went missing. My niece was given a ride home by a stranger and immediately trying to contact family to beg for help. My family took her to OSU for detox. My family is protecting her and keeping her away from triggers until we get her into a rehab center.

What we know is Sunday at 4:58 she text my eldest niece saying she was going to call. That call never came. 8 hours after my niece went missing a webpage was created offering "Krissa" for $75. The page was created on Monday 10/7. There's a lot of unanswered questions but until she's ready it's best not to force her to talk. I just wonder if she did some of this willingly to get her next fix and this got out of control??

She is currently living with family and has her kids. She's been clean for 15 days. I know the road ahead might be long and heartwrenching. Her well being , safety and health is our main priority.

My next installment to this blog is about the webpage.

When Do Children Notice Difference?

Yesterday during a family get-together I noticed all of the kids were playing with eachother. They didn't see no color or the fact that one of the kids had down syndrome. These 4 children below the age of 4 didn't see the different skin color or the fact the 5th child was different.  Little Glenn has Trisomy 21 better known as Down Syndrome. When do they see the differences? Do our attitudes as adults eventually change the kid's behavior towards people with slight differences or something extra?

Collateral Damage

How can a girl who grew up attending church, lived in a middle class home and attended great schools stoop so low? The answer is simple, heroin. It will first numb your pain while stealing your soul.  This addiction takes hold quick and robs the person of their very existence. The person might spend a majority of their addiction chasing the dragon, never quite getting the initial feeling again. You know the feeling they had the first time they used.

This past week has been heartwrenching and traumatic for our family. Knowing the girl I raised was reported missing but not knowing where to look. Was she alive or was she dead ?Was she being raped or was she hurt , somewhere? We just didn't know!!! Seeing the MISSING PERSON poster made things more real and terrifying. Seeing my niece on a poster like I've seen thousand others brought tears to my eyes and many sleepless nights. During the day we waited for our phones to ring at the same time dreading that call telling us they found her body. Drug abuse doesn't only affect the person abusing the drug. It affects every person that loves them!!

Our nightmare is hopefully over or maybe this was a taste of what's to come. We don't know. That's the irony , you just don't know when someone you love becomes enslaved by drugs.

Drugs Suck!!!!

It's been a stressful week full of worry and tears. Anger and fear. Deception, lies and downright disrespect. My niece was missing for 70 hours after she was reported missing. My family spent many nights praying for the phone to ring but hoping it wouldn't. We found out my nieces addiction was running rampant and the extent she would go to feed it.

Prostitution and theft became her way to support her habit, i'm ashamed to admit this. But it's her shame not my own. All we can do is support and love her without enabling this behavior as she gets help. We know therapy and rehab will only work if she's willing to get clean. If she's willing to stay clean. Heroin is not a drug to mess with and once it takes hold the urge remains years after the last use.

This week was full of sleepness nights and bad dreams when we did sleep. Knotted stomaches and rapid heart beats as we waited. It's hard to see a missing person poster on Facebook but it's excruciating when you personally know the individual in the pictures or it questions your very existence. It was hard and heartbreaking. I will post more later about this. Right now my emotions are raw.

Damn Drugs

I'm so sick of drugs and what it does to individuals, especially those close to me. Just when we think things are getting calm all hell breaks loose yet again. In the past 8 weeks we learned my niece, the child I raised, is an heroin addict. Twice during these 8 weeks she has taken a car that DOESN'T BELONG  to her to go get heroin and once during this time my 5 year old nephew, her son, was reported missing to the police. My 5 year old nephew was taken to a crackhouse by his father and left unattended so the father could do god knows what. C was gone 36 hours and since the father didn't take him while he wanted to shoot up heroin, no harm was done . What the f***? C is 5 years old!!! 5 years old. As far as I know she hasn't been seen since SUNDAY. She asked to use her mother-in-law's phone and hasn't been seen since. Neither has the car.

The paternal grandmother is enabling J and K's behavior, so the car was not reported stolen. I'm afraid we may need to contact Children Services and have the kids removed from their care at this time. We are trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and tried having faith in her but once again heroin is winning. Since I live 100+ miles away I'm leaving that call to my brother and sister-in-law because she is their child. And those are their grandchildren. I love K so much and those babies, I just want what's best for them. Would being in foster care be less stressful than living with drug addicted parents? The chance of the kids being seperated has been the reason for our reluctance to call weeks ago and there's always the possibility that this might spiral out of my families control. Or send my niece further out of control. Perhaps the kids being there is what is keeping her from getting worse.

The kids deserve stability and sober parents.

I'm angry that drugs are more important to my niece than the children she brought into this world. I'm angry she used in the first place. I'm just angry.

With my M-I-L being so sick and her own dad finally getting over being so sick, this couldn't of happened at a worse time. But is there ever a good time?

Understanding Things

In April when I was diagnosed with type 2 Diabetes Mellitus I didn't think I would get things quickly under control. It almost seemed hopeless. Through blogging, reading other people's blogs, Facebook, American Diabetes Association and research I armed myself with knowledge. Although alot of people helped me and continues to help me ultimately the success or failure is mine to make. I'm happy to say my Type 2 diabetes is under control. It's been weeks since any major spikes.

By controlling my intake of the things that cause spikes I've lost a considerable amount of weight. Think my total loss so far is 20-22 lbs, I am around 137 lbs now. Less than 10 stone, with my ultimate goal of 9 (126 lbs).  I have a healthy amount of body fat around 23% and once I reach my goal I'm hoping for 20%. For my height 126 would be perfect. I'm currently in a size 6 jeans and m-l shirt. Most likely I will end up in a size 4 and medium shirt.

Eating healthy and avoiding certain foods most likely lowered my cholesterol , so it's a win win situation. I was able to avoid insulin and improve my overall heart health. Diet and Metformin works wonders.

I'm still going to remain vigilant in controlling the diabetes because it's my health, body and life. Even though my numbers are normal I still have diabetes. It's just quietly lurking like any opportunistic disease waiting for me to relax my diet.

HA HA DIABETES I WON THIS ROUND!!!!

Hospice

My emotions and problems seem so insignificant right now. My job and responsibility is supporting my husband in every way possible throughout his Mom's illness and eventual death.

The hospital started her on therapy to have the services stopped. My mother-in-law is dying.

Thursday the healthcare team, Drs and family will sit down and discuss my mother-in-law's discharge. And her release to Hospice Care.

With hospice care a lot of conventional treatment is stopped and the focus shifted to Palliative Care. As she approaches the end comfort and pain management will become the priority. Please keep us in your thoughts.

Yes I know

I been blogging and deleting a lot lately. I have a lot to say but I'm afraid of hurting other people. After I write something and publish, I reconsider my words hours later and I delete. I'm afraid my words and honesty will end of hurting me later on.

I'm frightened of what I feel and what I've done. I've been happy for 22 years even when I doubted things at times. I never doubted his sincerity or commitment to me. My husband loves me more than anything in this world. I love him so much and I have never done anything for my husband to doubt my commitment to him. Even when he has taken my presence for granted to socialize with his friends on his only time off, I've said nothing. When I've begged him to stop drinking, he continues. For a long time I have thought alcohol and his friends were more important than me. I have no intentions of giving up my marriage. A marriage gets stronger with each struggle. I guess I will tell my friend goodbye. Even though our friendship is strictly platonic, I guess I'm meant to be alone talking to my dogs and playing stupid games online.

I never realized my friendship with B would cause him so much turmoil and insecurity.  For 22 years I have loved my husband unconditionally, embracing his faults and loving him anyways. Often being left alone when others needed him. Everyone else have always come before me. But I said nothing. He's always been enough for me but he doesn't see that.

I've always have a lot to say and nobody here to hear me. I guess the rest of my life is right on track.

Becoming friends with my ex-boyfriend was not intentional. When I started talking to our mutual friend, I had no intention of talking to B. Our connection is too strong to ignore but I must and have. We have a mutual respect for eachother and our friendship is strictly platonic. We are both committed to our own spouses and family but I guess that don't matter. Anything that gives a small glimmer of contentment or happiness must be wrong.

There will be changes around here because if I'm expected to remain in this solitude , he will be right here with me.