Type 2 Diabetes Mellitus Sucks

Oh how it sucks...let me count the ways.

Not being able to eat what I want and when I want is the worst thing by far. Once you start eliminating food that will potentially raise the glucose, you realize how little you're actually eating. My caloric intakes dropped below 900 calories a day, some days below 700 calories a day.

A couple days ago when I was really sick , I realized one of the reasons I felt so bad , I had been unintentionally starving myself. On top of the diabetes and meager diet, I had a virus.  Vomiting and a weakened body is not a good thing. I'm not sure of the actual weight loss because I try not to weigh myself often. Having scales in the house can be detrimental or dangerous if your dieting. Losing weight can easily become an addiction. I've pushed the diet to the extreme. I decided to stop pushing myself so hard. If my glucose happens to spike I'm hoping I can deal with the spikes better.

I was trying to achieve and maintain a normal blood sugar by avoiding certain foods. By doing so I was starving myself to death. It wasn't intentional, It's just hard finding food low in carbs and starches plus it needs to be sugarfree. Food that I may actually like eating.

I have found recipes on Facebook that meets all my dietary requirements and is filling with adequate calories. I'm going to try to add newer items to my diet without depriving my husband of nutrients. Sure he can eat at McDonald's twice a day but he needs adequate calories in the evening too.

My caloric intake is back to around 1200-1500 calories a day. I want to keep losing a small amount of weight weekly. 1/2- 1 lb weekly weightloss is adequate, or 2-5 lbs a month.

A PWD (PERSON WITH DIABETES) gave me advice about glucose control. She wrote I should not be so hard on myself because I didn't develop type 2 diabetes overnight. I should not expect to fix it overnight.

Thank you Kate for those words of wisdom. It's time I approach my diagnosis safely and with common sense.

Learning To Live With Diabetes

Learning to live with a disease that has the potential to kill me has been a motivator in itself. Uncontrolled diabetics can end up with severe complications from the disease if they aren't careful.

Worldwide 285,000,000 of the population or 6% of the overall population has Diabetes.

The WHO (World Health Organization) calls Type 2 Diabetes a Global EPIDEMIC.

*In the United States 25.8 million have Diabetes.  8.3% of the population. Diabetes is 7th largest cause of Death in the United States.

*In 2007 approximately 231,404 had diabetes listed as cause of death.

Diabetes is the leading cause of kidney failure, heart disease and stroke.

This is what I could face if I allow the Type 2 Diabetes to go uncontrolled.

I want to apologize for the doom and gloom but in order to be completely honest about Diabetes, statistics is important.

What am I doing to control my glucose and minimize complications?

1.) Diet - I stopped eating sugar and starchy foods when I thought I might have diabetes. Even then my glucose was out of control. Once I was diagnosed , others online with Type 2 Diabetes told me about carbohydrates and how it will raise glucose levels in some individuals.  Sadly I'm in the group who should drastically limit carbohydrate consumption. And everything has carbohydrates.

2.) Medication- I take 500 mg of Metaforim twice a day.

3.) Weightloss- Even though I wasn't technically Obese, I was overweight by 15-20 lbs. Limiting carbohydrates , starchy foods and being sugarfree has greatly reduced my caloric intake. I've lost approximately 15 lbs since my diagnosis. Depending how my jeans are made I wear a size 6-8. A medium- large in shirts. I've lost 4 inches and a cup size in my bra, a 40d to 36c. My ring size dropped from a 8 1/2 to a 7. Some days I can wear my high school graduation ring and it's a 6.

I know, I know TMI (too much information).

4.) Glucose Monitoring- I test my glucose 2-3 times a day. Trying to keep my numbers between 80-120. And adjust my meals according to each reading.

5.) Reading Nutrition Labels-  Looking at labels is critical. I've learned the front of food packaging can be very misleading and quite different than the information found on the back. Because of reading food labels I've eliminated most processed foods.

6.) Blog and ADA Forum- Through my blog and others, I've learned valuable information from others who are living without complications from Type 2 diabetes. And have lived for years with the disease without major changes in medication or health.

I've gotten food ideas and recipes from Facebook, Blogspot and the ADA.

7.) Research- Even though I'm getting advice from multiple sources, I like to verify each bit of information.

8.) I stopped kicking myself for tiny mess ups in my diet that results in higher glucose readings. We all mess up , we just need to minimize our dietary mistakes.

This has been my journey so far and what I'm doing to help myself. It's about living with Type 2 diabetes not dying from it.

*(Figures come from CDC And us.gov website)

Ugh I'm sick

First it started with our nephew, a co-worker of my husband. And then my husband. Now I'm sick too. A gastrointestinal virus and the very first time I been sick since my diagnosis of Type 2 Diabetes.

Since I can't hold anything down I'm going to skip my Metaforim as I don't want stomach cramps on top of the nausea. Oh the nausea. I'm going to skip all my medication.

It sucks getting sick.

Gummy Belly

My stomach is starting to resemble a balloon with a slow leak that has deflated half of its air. It's kind of gross feeling and looking. It's just not as firm as it was when I was heavier before my  Type 2 diagnosis. It's rather squishy. It feels like cottage cheese in my gut. I know the adipose tissue is breaking down and the loose skin will shrink some.

Who would of thought giving up the foods and beverages that increase glucose would cause such a loss? My exact weightloss is yet to be determined. I normally don't weigh myself often between appointments. I was at 158 on 4/25, 157 on 4/29 and 151 on 5/26 . I'm estimating my exact (current) weight to be 145-147.  I am averaging 1-2 lb loss a week. My Drs appointments are next month so I'm hoping to be at 142. I decided at the beginning of my diagnosis 135lb would be a good weight for my height.

Even with the loss I'm struggling with elevated glucose from time to time. I've given up so much of the bad things for me I'm clueless how to stop the loss when I reach my goal. The weightloss won't make the Diabetes go away. I might end up with better control of the T2.

I gave up  full sugar carbonated beverages such as Coke and Mountain Dew. I stopped eating chocolate and sugary treats. I started eliminating potatoes, pasta, rice, bread, high carbohydrate foods. I try to make better food choices and read food labelss.

The stranger thing is once you start eliminating sugar, carbohydrates and starch from your diet the fat your actually consuming decreases. Because I've watched for carb content before purchasing any processed foods I eat less of it. Most processed foods contain Alot of carbohydrates, salt , sugars and some fat.

The fat I consume is around 15- 25g a day. Carbohydrates below 40g a day, sugar less than 15 g a day. And 30% of the RDA recommended amount of sodium, I hate salt.

15g of sugar seems like a lot for a diabetic but everything has some sugar in it and the 15g is consumed throughout the day. Some days the sugar content might be higher. It just depends on what I decide to eat that day. I do eat. Probably not as much as I should. The calories I'm eating isn't enough.

A lot of people who walked this path before me have given me invaluable advice. I'm looking for healthy alternatives to start eating more without weight gain or jeopardizing my glucose and adding a multivitamin for optimal health.

I'm trying hard to control the Diabetes so it doesn't control and eventually kill me. People who control the T2 can live for decades without ever progressing to insulin. I want that for myself. I've watched too many friends be diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes ,misbehave and not follow a recommended diet end up on insulin.

There is a lot riding on my ability to control the type 2 diabetes, my future and my life.

Paula Deen Defense

Seriously folks! This is getting ridiculous. She's was fired from Food Network for something she said over 20 years ago and she's losing some things she endorsed.  When an African American says that same ugly word during a rap or comedy routine its entertaining.  When a white person says it they are called racist. Even Al Sharpton thinks this is being blown out of proportion.

She made a friggin mistake. We've all have said things whether it was out of humor or anger we regret. It does not make her racist, ignorant or uneducated. Nor does it make Food Networks actions just.

The "N" word is ugly. Uglier than most words. I admit I said it too at one time. I haven't said it in years but it was never said towards anyone or in a derogatory way. I was a teenager when I said that word. I don't say it now and haven't since I was a teenager. Does that make me racist? Or ignorant.

If your wondering

If your wondering about the older photos from the previous post. They are both my dad. They were taken in Texas in 1959. This picture is my dad in 51.

My Dad was enlisted in the United States Air Force from 1959-1963 and was honorably discharged. During his enlistment he visited 48 states and lived in Japan, United States & KOREA.

Confused no more

Conflicting Information About Type 2 Diabetes

Shortly before Diagnosis Day when Diabetes was strongly suspected I started reading more about this subject. I knew from working in Nursing what I should eat and what I shouldn't. The diet change was a rude awakening from the start because just eliminating sugars and starchy foods just wasn't going to get it. I tried preparing foods, eating the recommended amount but yet my glucose remained elevated. I tried eating some of the low starch , sugarfree meals I used to feed diabetics when I worked in nursing. Nope oatmeal wasn't getting it, it actually caused my biggest spike. I am not a nurse but I spent 12 years as a CNA caring for the elderly and disabled. I worked closely with RN, LPN, Therapist and Dieticians. Each member of the healthcare team was important. The Nurses, Drs and Dietician developed an ideal diet for diabetics.

So having an adverse reaction to carbohydrates seemed surreal. I just didn't realize at the time some Type 2 diabetics have trouble with carbohydrates and I'm one of them. A nice man on the ADA website pointed out his blog . And I found several others who had to eliminate 90% of carbohydrates, besides starches and sugar to get within normal glucose readings. I wasn't alone.

Diabetic Diet from Licensed Dieticians still recommend quite a few carbohydrates in our diet from cereals and bread.

It's unrealistic to assume one diet will work with every diabetic.

Fruits, Starchy foods, sugar, carbs, glutens and everything other than meat sends my glucose soaring.  I take Metaforim and it still takes hours after eating to see normal numbers . I'm almost afraid to get the GTT done . I'm scared of the results and what that might mean.

I'm seeing bigger increases in monitor reading even though I'm taking 500 mg of Metaforim twice a day and I'm still watching what I eat. I'm questioning if I'm even producing enough insulin to adequately use the glucose in my body.

This sucks.

I'm jealous

Hi I'm Angel and I'm a Diabetic. Two months ago my life changed abruptly my suspicions were confirmed, I have type 2 diabetes mellitus. A couple weeks before the diagnosis on a whim I had my friend test my glucose. Her monitor flashed 407. I felt fine other than the extreme thirst and fuzziness in my head. The fuzziness that I've felt for months.

I automatically gave up eating all sugar and all starchy foods. The next thing I did was purchase a meter because I needed to monitor my progress. I was still consistently having high glucose readings even though I had eliminated Alot from my diet. I was scared and I still am.

I sought help because I can't do this without a Dr. On 4/25 I swallowed my first dose of the anti-diabetic medicine Metaforim. It took medicine and eliminating carbs along with sugar and starchy foods. I've lost weight and I'm 9 # from the ideal weight for my height.

My friend on the other hand who had the Type 2 diagnosis, yes I said HAD. Continued to eat carbs and gained weight, her diabetes medication is being eliminated. The Dr don't think she has diabetes. I know elevated cholesterol will cause the glucose to raise but what the fuck? 

She was advised to stay sugarfree for weightloss. I just don't get it! I barely eat anything in the no no group of food, take my medicine and I'm losing weight but my glucose remains above normal?

I still follow my Drs advice because I know my diagnosis isn't changing anytime soon. It's not fair.

Possible Cure?

According to Children's Hospital in Boston they have found the root cause of Type 1 diabetes. What does this mean for the future of Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes? I don't know!

Research, treatment and medication approval can take years.  If a medication is developed to cure diabetes it can be several years after appropriate trials before FDA approval. The FDA barely approves medications because of the unknowns or side effects without years of test trials with the actual medication and placebo.

People with Diabetes just have to take their medicine and eat healthy. Following Drs orders is crucial.  Diabetes is more than about food. Continuesly f*c*ing up could mean death. I could die from complications of diabetes. I'm not going to sugar coat my words or possible reality. I could die.

Diabetes is not a terminal illness but it could very well become one.

Diabetes is an illness of the endocrine system that can effect every organ and body function.

What does being diabetic mean to me? I can go blind, my kidneys or other organs can fail, I can end up with dementia. I might end up having a stroke or heart attack. My circulatory system might become compromised leading to amputations. Uncontrolled Diabetes can easily become fatal in so many ways.

Medicine, diet and exercise is a critical part of treatment for any individual with diabetes.

Diabetes is not a disease of the elderly or because someone became morbidly Obese. People being diagnosed are getting younger and younger. I was 40 when diabetes started rearing its ugly head.  Was it pre- diabetes then? Did I mess up so much the next year to guarantee my Type 2 diagnosis shortly after my 42nd birthday? I'm overweight but not obese. Did this extra 25 lbs make me diabetic?

Mystery of the Past -Unlocking the Truth

Too many depression era, unmarked graves on our family plot. Six little ones , who barely took a breath in this world. If at all.  No church record or cradle roll. No birth certificate , no written to say they existed. Just a couple names remembered, by the younger siblings. My Aunt who passed away in '96, knew the names of the babies and when they died. She knew who was buried in each unmarked grave.  Because all of the children were born at home there is no record. But there is one death record.

My Aunt Katie was the second oldest of the 5 who made it to adulthood and possibly the 3rd or 4th or even 5th child born to my grandparents.  Esther Mae was born before Katie. On September 23, 1923 Esther Mae was born . She lived 8 hours. How do I know this?  The country Drs office journal was given to the state's (WV) historical society, no we are not from WV.  Esther Mae's death was recorded in the journal. She was buried on 9/24.

The biggest Mystery is how did she die in WV when she was born in Miller Ohio? Most of the bridges that connect the two states was not built yet. Did they take a ferry or rowboat across the river? And think about the cars available in 1923. None of the cars were fast so if they drove the journey must have took hours. The record list cause of death as asthma.

Where did they cross the river? The biggest mystery according to the journal is she was buried in Middleport not in Miller. So is it only 5 infants buried in the family plot? Did they have 13 children?

Since only the youngest 3 children are alive these questions might remain unanswered.

Unlocking the Past

I'm American but identity myself as being Irish American but the truth is I'm a mutt. Irish is just a small part of my heritage. I'm also Scottish, Welsh and Cherokee.

Dad's family (Dillon)  came to Appalachia from Ireland in 1847. In Ireland ,my Dad's family had a Family Crest. Why did they leave Ireland? Until my Grandfather's birth in 1889 the history is unknown.  My grandfather's surname was around close to 1000 years ago. It's very common in Ireland today.

My Paternal Great- Grandmother's (Grandfather's side)  maiden name was "Baker". My Grandmother's maiden name was Meek . My Great-Grandmother's maiden name was Jenkins (Grandmother's side).

Both of my Dad's parents were orphaned . My Grandfather (b. 1889) was an only child and was raised by his Uncle Hiriam (sp?)  Baker. My Grandmother (born 1895)  was raised by the Jenkins side , grandma had a sister named Pearl.

My grandparents married and had 12 children, 6 of which were born still or died shortly after birth. My Dad was born in 1939, the last of their children. Sadly there is very little information available about dad's siblings that died, since all died at home. There is no photos or written record except for Ester Mae's death record, she lived 8 hours. Dad had a sister drown in the River on Labor Day, she was 16. Of the 5 children who survived to adulthood only 3 had children.

There is only 3 left now. My uncle who will be 80 next month, an Aunt who is 77 and my 73 year old dad. Only 3 male Dillon left to carry on family name.

There's big holes in my family history I would love to fill one day, piece together the past for the future generations. Other than a few pieces of information very little is known about Dad's side of the family. Dad's grandmother was born in 1866 and died 1892, when my grandfather was 3.  It seems ridiculous and far fetched to say my Great Grandmother Alta was born shortly after the civil war when I'm only 42. But my grandfather was 50 when dad was born, and 82 when I was born.

Another interesting tidbit of information is my Dad's eldest brother served during WW2 , my dad wasn't born until 1939. My Grandfather served in WW1 and his sons served during WW2, Korea and Vietnam.

Confession is Good For the Soul

On Sunday 6/16 my husband's boss suffered a loss of over 10k in property damage because of arson, even though most of the stolen property was recovered. One of the perpetrators will face a judge and 4 felonies, he confessed. The other ran and is currently laying low. When found he will face 5 felonies. Including fleeing and eluding. Anyone caught helping him could be charged with "Aiding and Abeiting".  These two are a fine example why drugs and alcohol is bad.

Both are facing prison time ! I know these individuals well,I've always considered them friends. Considering their current crime their past activities seem petty. Since it has not gone to trial and the beginning of an investigation , I cannot elaborate or go into exact detail of their activities on Sunday. I do know the punishment will mean years in prison. Their stupidity means a little girl will be without her Daddy for years and it may put her back with people who never wanted her around. It's sad for E.

No Added Sugar Labels- Klondike

Sometimes I post food labels of products labeled as no added sugar. In order to be on the safe side read the product labels. No Added Sugar Klondike Bars contain Sugar, large amount of Carbohydrates and Sugar Alcohol.

Sugar Alcohol will raise glucose readings.

Useful Tools I've found since diagnosis and to control type 2 diabetes

(Disclaimer: I'm not a Dr, Dietician or expert on Type 2 diabetes. This blog and the other entries is based on my experience and what works best for me)

Tools

- good glucose meter, alcohol prep, lancing device and lancets.

You don't need a fancy meter.  Preps, lancets, meter and strips can be purchased off the shelf at some retailers and most pharmacies without a prescription, unless you have insurance. If you need to purchase a meter check the price of the strips first. I have several meters but use my ReliOn Prime on a day to day basis because the price of glucose testing strips is considerably less than Contour Next EZ and TruTest. I'm one of million uninsured Americans so I pay cash for diabetic testing supplies.

-glucose buddy or written log.
I have glucose buddy on my  Android phone so I can keep track of my numbers, weight, blood pressure etc.

Pro- it's more convenient than writing down each number and it's more organized

Con- if phone crashes or need to upgrade , my record might be lost.

Regardless if you use a written record, glucose buddy or another application it's important to keep track. If your familiar with Microsoft Excel you can record your glucose using spreadsheets but use whatever works best for you.

-Nutrition Labels

Even if something says sugar free or no added sugar doesn't mean it's good for you. Look at the amount of sugar or carbohydrates a product has before eating it. It's best to avoid processed foods if at all possible.

Carbohydrates will raise your glucose as will sugar and starchy foods.

Foods marketed as low calorie foods generally contain sugar and large amounts of carbohydrates.

- some foods containing starch or natural sugar should be eaten in moderation

Online resources

-American Diabetes Association and it's forum.
-WebMd
-Blogs

Like most people with Type 2 diabetes my numbers spike on occasion. I have the typical reaction to carbohydrates, sugar and starchy foods. I try to keep carbohydrates below 25g a day.  My friend who's also diabetic eats more carbs than I do but she barely spikes.

Food affects us differently, so find what works best for you.

Three Envelope Roast

Ingredients

3-4 lb chuck roast
1 pack dry ranch dressing mix
1 pack dry Italian dressing mix
1 pack dry gravy mix
2 cups of water

Sear roast in a hot skillet ( you can skip this part)
Put roast in slow cooker.
Mix dry ingredients with water pour over roast.

Cook on low heat for 8-10 hours or high heat for 4-6 hours or until meat is done.

My husband and I add quartered potatoes, quartered onions and baby carrots around it. We use 3 cups of water but the recipe calls for 2 cups. We also prepare it the night before allowing the meat to marinate in the gravy/ dressing mixture all night.

The meat is so tender and juicy it falls apart. The recipe was posted on Facebook from a healthy living website.

Being diabetic I have to limit the carrots and potatoes I eat but it hasn't caused any spikes in my glucose either.  This recipe is healthy, filling and satisfying.  

Bon Appetit

Happy Father's Day

Father's Day  is a day to celebrate dad's and today has been a very interesting day. We decided to make another roast for  celebration of today  ,we always do our prep work the night before . So we woke up this morning and started the roast in the slow cooker . The day got interesting but can't elaborate too much because of the circumstances other than my hubby had to secure the lot.

My husband is a mechanic at a car lot and is a key holder to the office and garage. The office was broken into , items stolen including car , computer and office was set on fire. Two individuals have been identified and property recovered by police. One of the suspects has been arrested and the other ran. 4 felonies before 8 a.m. Those boys were busy during the night.

Between company, 2 trips to town and countless phone calls , we've had a busy day.

P.S. My glucose has been normal all day.

Glucose Spike and more.

Yesterday was a wild ,hope this food serves a purpose and not make a immediate exit kind of day. After going to town yesterday to get my medicine filled I came home and I was sick. Thank goodness for vinyl flooring .....because my light breakfast made an quick exit from the same route it went in.... I felt feverish and drained.

After hugging the porcelain throne , I was drained so I took a nap . If that was TMI I don't apologize as this blog is about My rambling but honest thoughts.

Last night I ate dinner and waited 3 hours before testing, it was 181. I wasn't going to test at all but the fuzziness was back in my head. Early in my diagnosis I noticed the fuzziness when my glucose was between 270-410. After 410 I had the fuzziness plus heart palpitations.  I had this fuzziness for months and it seemed to disappear once my numbers stabilized in a normal range.  I'm assuming my glucose was 300+.

I remember waking up to the fuzziness and it never truly went away. I assumed I just needed caffeine and I went for Mt Dew or Coke. Gallons of sweet tea.

Diabetes sucks rhinoceros dicks.

Newest Family Member

Levi Dylan or Dylan Levi.

The exact order of the name is yet to be determined. If my niece makes it to 39 weeks, he will be delivered by C-Section.

There's been so much sadness and fear lately, but new life gives me hope. 

The Storm

The Storm blew in from an unexpected direction. While I celebrated my Mother-In-Laws improved health the fact still remains she's in the critical care ICU or critical care unit.  She's currently being gave medicine through the IV to regulate her heart beat. Although we are seeing vast improvement, she isn't out of the woods yet.

Right after this phone call I received a message from my cousin that my uncle (dad's brother) was being taken to the Emergency Room. He hasn't been able to hold food down and the home health nurse thought he had an internal bleed.  Instead of being taken to the VA (Veterans Administration) Hospital he was taken to the local hospital. Thank goodness he was. It wasn't an internal bleed, he had a bowel obstruction requiring immediate surgery. Our local hospital refused to transfer him to the VA because of the seriousness of the obstruction. 

Last night he had emergency surgery. He's on the surgical floor of the hospital right by CCU. His recovery will take awhile. Once he's stable he can be transferred to the VA. I hope he isn't transferred. He was just discharged from the VA 4 days ago. Apparently the obstruction was missed. He was admitted because he couldn't keep anything down.

My Uncle will be 80 next month. I believe his care was substandard for a war veteran. Im praying everything will be play.

I might go later today and room hop on CCU and Surgical.

Diabetes Update 6/10

I've been less self absorbed with my own health lately because of ongoing family health issues. My Mother-in-law is still in ICU, on and off a bipap (non Invasive ventilator).  She was given medication to raise pulse rate blood pressue, thank goodness its working . If it did not work they planned to stop and restart her heart this morning.

The stress of everything going on has moved my progress back by weeks. With spending time at the hospital ICU waiting room and hours of calls  I'm just not eating right when I remember to eat at all. I pray she can pull through this time and the next time and next and next.

I thank God she was alert when she was taken to the hospital otherwise the hospital would of had to abide by her living will. She's agreed to procedures and bipap. Her living will states DO NOT RESUSCITATE and no life sustaining equipment. She's agreed to everything.

Focusing on my own struggle coping with T2 Diabetes seems selfish. The last few days I've had large spikes, when I remember to test or even eat responsibly. I hardly ate Saturday and most of Sunday.

Last night my glucose was 223 after eating la choy and 2 egg rolls. Yes I know the wrap on egg rolls is loaded in carbohydrates. My glucose is erratic again but I'm not testing as much as I should.

Diabetes can be life threatening also. I'm going to try to do better.

Calm before the Storm

My Mother-in-Law's electrolytes are completly out of whack. Once the electrolytes get low it can slow down the cardiac (heart) function, leading to death if it's not caught soon enough. This can be fixed but we are nowhere over this health scare because of other issues she's dealing with.

She's having issues with her breathing and needs the Bi-Pap. A Bipap is a non-invasive ventilator. A Bipap is not considered life support . If she requires something more evasive and needs to be ventilated since she had done a living will she will be asked. She has the right to decline.

Was yesterday's smiles the calm?

Hope

I wonder if other species feel the emotions we feel as human. I've had many hopes and dreams during my life. Some dreams that came true and other times the dreams become less important. I've had prayers answered at times but many remained unanswered. Perhaps God didn't answer the prayers for a reason? Things happen sometime without reason. It's unpredictable and often unpreventable. And we are unprepared.

I've hoped for longer lives for loved ones but at times that hope fades. Working in nursing I seen things some might consider miracles. I've learned to see things as they are and learned to not grieve. I've learned so much in 12 year of nursing. But yet I became unable to show sympathy because I've seen diseases and conditions progress. After many years of crying for my patients I turned that part of me off. It's a defense mechanism that I built around myself. Physicians and nursing staff eventually all build this wall. Until recently I had stopped crying.

I cried yesterday because I was entering uncharted territory. How could I comfort my husband if things didn't turn for the better? I'm hopeful that there is still time. Time to comfort, time to dream and time to hope.

Life is Precious

Life is too short. Life is Precious. Life can change with a blink of an eye. Almost 3 weeks we were made aware of a possible terminal illness and yesterday things changed so fast. We were called in expecting the worse praying for more time. It's so difficult seeing tubes going in a loved on and lungs being helped by a bi-pap. And seeing machines register each heartbeat, each breath. My heart shattered seeing my mother-in-law in ICU not knowing and praying my intuition is wrong.. With some illnesses there is the calm before the storm. One thing in my 12 years in nursing I seen repeatedly is someone appearing better after fighting to live. and then dying.

I always felt it was God's way of showing us the person they were before the illness. To help with the grieving.

My mother-in-law is fighting to live. And while I've been wrapped up praying for more time and better health for my mother-in-law I heard of another tragedy. This morning a kid I remember as a baby died in a wreck. He was 20 and his mom is dealing with burying her child. No parent should have to deal with what she's going through. He just finished college a few weeks ago. Life is short and each day should be cherished.  RIP Donovan

Ugh Diabetes Sucks

Seems strange to admit but other than an occassional spike (if I eat a few extra carbs), my glucose is under control. I'm no longer seeing huge increases in glucose when I test in the morning. It's easy eliminating sugar and avoiding certain foods but going 100% carbohydrate free is near impossible. Every food has carbohydrates. Since Diagnosis I've thought more about the nutritional value of food going in my body.

I know I am diabetic and extremely carbohydrate sensitive. In order to keep my numbers in a healthy range I must limit carbohydrates and avoid sugars. Rice, potatoes, bread, pasta and other starchy foods needs to be avoided as much as possible. When I do give in to starchy foods, I keep it small and infrequent.

I do eat an occasional slice of whole wheat bread (heiners 35) , 1-2 a week. 1/2 of a potato 1-2 times a week. Normally I eat green beans, meat, salad, eggs, omelets and cheese. I eat a lot of veggies such as cabbage, lettuce, tomatoes, onion, peppers and cucumber. I do occassionly have 1/2 cup rice, every other week.

On the days I have 1 slice of Whole Wheat bread I won't eat 1/2 a baked potato. I'm learning to eat in moderation and to add a small variety to my diet without depriving myself of nutrients or taste.

For glucose control counting Carbohydrates is crucial for me and keeping carbohydrates at a minimum. It seems so unfair at times but I'm coping.

Stubborn or the fear of the unknown?

If your new to my blog or haven't read earlier blog entries, you may not know how stubborn I can be. When it comes to my health until these last few weeks I had little concern for my own well being. For example in the past I've had small issues that could of been easily resolved turn " life threatening" because I refused medical intervention.

When I had strep throat in 98 I found out if not treated can go into a worse infection. I kept working even when I was unable to eat and spitting up blood. When I had pneumonia and pluersy last year I refused medical intervention even after a few days of running a temperature above 105f. I kept refusing help until Tylenol was no longer bringing it down. My WBC (white blood cell) count was enormous. That stubborn streak earned me a trip to the ER, several Xrays and a trip to Internal Medicine.

Three short months later I had the cyst and cellulitis. It took 3 weeks to seek help. On the second visit a complete blood test was done, my glucose was 276. I assumed I could eat right & lose weight, to get my numbers under control. I thought perhaps the "276" was a warning that if I didn't change what I put in my body I could end up diabetic.

After a sugar free diet of 2 months I went back to my bad habits until that fateful day 2 months ago and a blood glucose of 407. I now know I have Type 2 Diabetes and take Metaforim to help my body rid itself of excessive glucose. I eat limited carbohydrates & starches & I'm 100% sugarfree.

I still struggle with elevated glucose periodically but my numbers are below hyperglycemic now. My stubborness could of permanently damaged my kidneys and I pray I didn't wait too long to seek help.

Being stubborn is not just a personal fault of mine. My dad, uncle and siblings are just as stubborn. I don't know if it's the mistrust of physicians or hospitals. Maybe it's the fear of placing our lives in another's hands or maybe its the fear of the unknown?

I am lucky but I still struggle

Each day when I wake up I realize how fortunate I am. Sure I'm learning to live with diabetes and some days I do struggle with being diabetic. I'm stubborn and get so frustrated when things don't go my way. In a way I am thankful that I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. Yes I know that sounds strange but it's true.

What if I continued my bad food choices, while ignoring the obvious signs of diabetes? Realistically I'm a perfect diabetic for amputation because I have decreased sensation in my feet from a lumbar injury. I've cut the bottom of my left foot multiple times without feeling it. I'm more cautious now with my feet because of the Type 2 diagnosis.

Because of diabetes I've dealt with hyperglycemia and had to think about what I was putting in my body. As a result I'm losing weight, even though I'm wasn't obese in the first place. I'm losing weight and hopefully it will lessen the severe pain in my back.

Even when I do get my glucose under control I will still be a diabetic.Even if most of the pain was gone I would still be disabled. The Smart Ass Cripple ( an awesome blogger) calls me and others like me Verts. A vert is a disabled person still able to walk. It's hard to believe It's been 11 years since my operation and having to relearn to walk or stand without help.

It's sad knowing how most us us take the little things for granted such as walking. And until you lose the ability to even do the simplest or menial task , you might never appreciate what YOU CAN do. Yesterday I walked 2 miles and although that isn't a big accomplishment, I still Rejoice.

11 years ago I couldn't shower, dress (lower extremities), get out of bed or even take myself to the bathroom. 11 years ago I almost didn't wake up from anesthesia. Again I was lucky that the operation was successful without deadly results or permanent damage. My back injury, rehabilitation, reaction to anesthesia and operation deserve it's own entry, which I will do soon.

This post is about the struggles in life, and we all struggle at some point . Some people struggle with money, health issues, family and relationships. Others might struggle with uncertainty or the unknown. All we can do is keep trying and move forward. Life is too short to dwell on the past. Make each day count.

Warning Post might contain expletives. Of why diabetes sucks

DIABETES SUCKS  * DIABETES SUCKS* DIABETES SUCKS* DIABETES SUCKS * DIABETES SUCKS* DIABETES SUCKS

Just when I thought my glucose is about under control the big "D" rears its fucking UGLY head. It's almost mocking me, saying you will never control diabetes , you friggin dingbat. My glucose was "99" several hours after I ate last night. I had a diet Coke and a McDonald's Southwestern Salad with grilled chicken. The "99" was an expected reading and  this morning 14 hours since eating the salad I woke up to a "179".

Yes you read that right. A fucking 179!!!!  My liver and pancreas betrayed me, once again after having several mornings of great numbers. It's like it shouted at me, "bitch YOU will never be in complete control."

DIABETES SUCKS!!!!!

The medication, METAFORIM, is supposed to get rid of excessive glucose.  Along with diet.

I've given up sugar , most starchy foods and 95% of carbohydrates. It's like I've been on a messed up ATKINS DIET for 7 weeks. Somedays it feels like I'm starving but I do eat. I honestly don't miss the foods that I've had to give up. I don't miss the sugary foods, pasta, potatoes and bread.

I need to get further testing to find out exactly what the fuck is going on. If my pancreas is still producing insulin, I wonder how much???

I'm almost afraid of the GTT (glucose tolerance test) and what the results might mean. Insulin?

Maybe I might be getting sick or have an infection somewhere in my body.

At this point anything is possible.

DIABETES SUCKS