Where is that little girl that I took to the zoo with a few of her little friends? Or when she decided to go roller skating instead of dressing up for trick or treat? Where is the little girl who swam in 12 ft water at the age of 4, gliding through the water like a mystical mermaid? My precious girl walked before she was 9 months old and used the potty chair by the end of her first year of life. She did everything earlier than most and what she did ,she did better. She is my second niece and the first with my genes. I was 17 when my brother became a biological father for the first time. He was so proud to show her off. Now he's angry like we all are and he cries for the child he could possibly lose because of Heroin. His daughter, my niece, our world. Her mother's heart breaks more each day, trying to care for the little ones and her junkie daughter while working a stressful full time job. That is the reality my family is facing because she made a poor decision to try heroin. Her grandfather is unaware of her habit and she's been warned not to darken his doorstep with her problem. And she's not to pester him for money, as far as she knows he's broke. We chose not to tell him because it would break his heart. He has enough heart break hearing about our extended family who's also hooked on that shit. If my mom and stepmother could see her now from heaven, I imagine their eyes would be full of tears. As ours are. What happened, where did we go wrong?
I helped raise my niece, did I mess up in some way? Did I miss something or not give enough love and attention? Did I give too much? When I spoke to her about the importance of education and about starting a career before starting a family did she listen? Of course not. She gave birth twice at at the age of 19 (10 1/2 months apart) and again at the age of 21 (twins) . Being a young mother of so many kids quickly became an excuse for bad choices, bad relationships and her needing attention. Don't get me wrong she loves her kids but she's using them as an excuse for her own bad decisions. She chose to have unprotected sex with her husband shortly after the birth of her eldest child and before he took his first steps she gave birth again. She chose to get pregnant again to save a crumbling marriage, she had twins born 8 weeks premature. She chose to leave and come back to her marriage, being a young mom who married too soon was her excuse. She came back a few months ago to rekindle her marriage and to care for the children so he could go to rehab. I dislike her husband but I don't blame him for the mistakes she continues to make. God blessed her with the ability to make decisions and common sense. Most likely since she's shooting up heroin, he introduced her to it. I don't blame him and wish neither ill well but I hope they both will get help to fight this disease. If not for their kids, at least for themselves. Heroin is one of the hardest substances to quit and more often than not it takes repeated attempts after multiple relapses. Heroin is the only drug pharmaceutical companies have developed alternative drugs to help kick the habit, methadone and suboxen (sp?) . The problem is the alternatives for heroin are highly addictive also. So the addict is trading one addiction for another. Will she be able to be clean and stay clean?
I will love her until my life is over but I will not enable her bad decision. If she needs food we will feed her but no money will exchange hands nor will she stay at my house if she's not clean. I'm hoping and praying to god she can get clean. Not for our sake but for her own. I don't want to see her die young for stupidity and see her put in the ground.
The road ahead of her if she chooses life will be rocky with dangerous precipice as she gets sober. I just hope if she gets too close to the edge , she hangs on. We love her.
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