Growing up during the 80s in the Mid-West I realize now how lucky I was. I'm very fortunate that I never became addicted to drugs & alcohol. If you have followed this blog you already know my mom died when I was 12, a month before starting Jr High. In Jr high I experienced something I've never felt before. I was bullied and felt inadequate among my peers. I was so underweight my body had not developed yet, my breasts was nonexistent. Friends I had in elementary school joined in with the crowd to bully me and a few other."poor" kids. I felt ugly and so alone. I never felt good enough or worthy enough to converse with my peers. Between the age of 12-14 I was so miserable I spoke to nobody at school and when I did I was the butt of many jokes. Most of my peers did not know my mom just died and I didn't tell them because I didn't want their pity. I couldn't talk to my family because of our screwed up school hours. By the end of 7th grade a new girl moved next door and I finally had a true friend. I did have some friends in Jr high but nobody I could confide in and nobody that lived close. It was a lonely time for me and I experimented with alcohol.
When I moved away when I was 15 did my classmates notice I was even gone? Probably not ,my existence at that school was insignificant. At my new school I made friends easily and felt less isolated. My best friend was my cousin and I spent weekends with her at her boyfriends. We would get drunk every weekend. I had two groups of friends! I tried to be more outgoing at school and made friends that way. I was popular among my peers for once in my life. I attended football games & dances. I was heavily involved in clubs such as VICA, DARE and FHA. I had a boyfriend, my life was finally good but on the weekends I got drunk. It's ironic I was never around alcohol when I was younger.
Before Mom died neither of my parents drank alcohol on a regular basis. Occassionly Dad would buy a 6 pack and drink one a day. I only remember my Mom drinking once at an office Christmas party. When she died Dad's personality did a complete 360. He started drinking more and daily. My brothers started drinking. If my sister and I wanted to do something , Dad would rather we do it at home. Dad bought us cigarettes since we wanted to smoke. Bought my sister Rum. After a few months of severe depression my Dad woke up and forbid us to drink.
A hundred mere miles away another teen was experimenting with alcohol and drugs. Our age and circumstances were similar but I'm unsure of her school situation or home life. Her drug use quickly became significant and long term.
Alot of people smoked marijuana around me when I partied all the time . I made a conscious choice not to use drugs, smoke dope or continue drinking. As early as I started drinking I could of very well become an alcoholic.
Once I was old enough to obtain the alcohol myself it had lost all of its appeal to me. I made a choice not to drink anymore. I made a choice to not be around people using heavier drugs or use them myself. That's what bothers me about my niece's heroin use. She made a choice the first couple times she used. It is controlling her life now and will continue to do so. Even though she "claims" to be clean she's most likely using again. It breaks my heart because heroin is taking away her freedom to choose. It may very well take away her freedom (jail or prison) and eventually her life. That is the reality of substance abuse!!
We realized today it may take something significant to wake her up and hopefully it will. My mom died of natural causes . I don't want to see my great nieces and nephew growing up without her for her own stupidity. And their dad's own stupidity. It's stupid putting a needle in their arms to feed a controller (heroin). I will support her through recovery but I won't enable her.
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